silverhawk79: (Default)
Rhiannon, send your birds to me
Take this pain away from me
Guide me where I cannot see
Help me to be free.
Help me to endure,
Be strong as I was before,
In the face of unjust treatment,
Unkind gossip, malicious intent.
Help me to maintain
My Sovereignty, my autonomy.
Rhiannon, Mother, Wise One, Queen,
Help me to see and to be seen.
silverhawk79: (Default)
I'm caught in the in-between
Find myself wanting to scream
Not understanding why you walked away
Not knowing what is left to say.

I sit here and stare out the window
Wishing I knew how to let you go
And coming to the conclusion
That our love was a delusion.

Why can't you be honest,
Say the things that need saying?
Why do you hide from me,
With all these games you're playing?

You don't speak to me.
You don't see me.
You don't hear me.
You don't witness me.

I don't need you.
I don't want you.
I still love you.
But I won't have you.

It is done. It is gone.
Get out of my mind before I do.

Get thee gone, my lover.
Get thee gone, for it is over.

Drive

May. 1st, 2017 07:16 pm
silverhawk79: (Default)
Drive
---------

Stick my hand out the window,
Catch the cool night air,
Moisture forming a cloud there.

It wasn't my tears.
It was never my tears.

Drive as fast as I can,
Winding roads disappearing
Behind the red tail lights.

I had no fear.
Never had any fear.

Put my heart out there,
Said what needed saying,
And you heard it.

But that wasn't my fear,
Never shed any tears.

The response was expected,
Anticipated even,
There could be no other way.

But still, here, there was fear.
Still, here, there were tears.

Worse now is the silence,
Because no matter the answer,
You're still my friend.

Forget all the tears,
Listen to me, and hear.

I'm fine, and I mean it.
Please know that--
Believe it.

I have no more fear.
There are no more tears.

I love you and miss you,
Because you're my friend,
And we share that bond.

I have no more fear.
I will shed no more tears.

Please don't walk away.
At least, not for good.
Let me know if you're not ok.

This is my real fear.
And this, this will leave me in tears.

I Miss You

Apr. 12th, 2017 02:08 pm
silverhawk79: (Default)
I Miss You
---------------
I miss the hell out of you,
More than I have any right to.
Miss the words whispered in each other's ears--
Tales of rage, desire, love; tales of sadness and fear.

I long to feel your arms around me--
Protective, comforting, strong, surrounding.
My head on your chest, hearing your heart beat,
Knowing there is more to you than just the flesh beneath.

But I want the flesh, too-- I want all of you.
I want the bad moods and the good,
The sorrow, the sarcasm, the sullen expressions;
The joy, the hope, the compelling passion.

I miss the hell out of you,
More than I have any right to.
silverhawk79: (Default)
When you are sleeping,
I pore over our conversations,
Hanging on your every word
And writing them on my heart.

At Sunset

Apr. 4th, 2017 08:52 pm
silverhawk79: (Default)
I watch an ever purpling sky,
And orange and pink and crimson hues
Reflect on the rippling water.

Trees surround me,
With their gentle whispers,
Calling me to worship.

I stand in their awesome presence
Hearing birds, and the occasional highway sound
Watching the sun die for the day.

It is enough to know
That I am part of this cycle.
So I meld into the growing mists like a spirit of the air.

Maiden

Apr. 4th, 2017 05:24 pm
silverhawk79: (Default)
Maiden
--------

I am a shrine maiden,
Tending the hearth of the temple,
Building a conflagration worthy
of Legend.

I am a shield maiden,
Leading warriors in battle,
Fighting for home and family
And Glory.

I am a maiden no longer,
Withered and hollow,
Wizened but without the wisdom
Of years.

Too long, I let
The labels define me,
Seeking honor, glory, legend
Instead of myself.
silverhawk79: (Default)
When the storm fades,
And the clouds break,
And all is set right around me again,
I hope there are still flowers
Growing wild in a garden of my own.
silverhawk79: (Default)
Plaster-cast,
In fixed position,
A cover over all he hides.
Glory or fame, dishonor or shame,
Halting him,
But never holding him for long.
He wears
His mask
So well.

Forever

Apr. 1st, 2017 07:48 am
silverhawk79: (Default)
Forever (c. 1995)
------------------------
How can I tell you
How I really feel
When all my emotions
Seem so unreal?

How can I give you
The love you deserve
When all of your actions
Leave me fully perturbed?

How can I be
The friend that you need
When I love you so much
That my heart starts to bleed?

And it's more than just friends
That I want us to be
But I know it's impossible
And you need to be free.

Tell me, why do I miss you
When you're right next to me
And I'm in your embrace
Feeling your warmth all over me?

What is it about you
That makes me care so much
When all I want is your love
And it's your heart I can't touch?

And why do I love
Someone I can't have-
Someone like you
The best friend I could have?

I guess it's just a part
Of the Grand Master's plan
Of the grand scheme of life
And it's out of my hands.

But deep in my heart
I know it's my fault
For it would be better to hate you
Than to love you at all.

But I could never hate you
And I'll always feel this way
And I know I'll keep it hidden
Forever and a day.

Soliloquy

Mar. 31st, 2017 01:59 am
silverhawk79: (Default)
Soliloquy
-----------

If I stand behind this curtain,
And let you speak your mind,
Will you thrill me?

If I am quiet as a mouse
As you express your undying love,
Will it be for me?

Honey-dipped, forked-tipped,
Your tongue flicks
As you spill forth lies.

The words slip from your mouth,
Spiraling upward into infinity,
Becoming merely wind.

If I stand behind this curtain,
And let you speak your mind,
Will you release me?

If I am quiet as a mouse
As you express your undying love
Will you give peace to me?

Poison pill becomes
My every thought
And nothing stops the pain.

The words you speak,
The lies you tell,
Haunt me again.

If I stand behind this curtain,
And let you speak your mind,
Will you move along to the next girl?

If I am quiet as a mouse
As you express your undying love,
Will it be for a better girl?

Weeping, sobbing unchecked,
Catches in my breath
Knowing the worth of your words.

Pretending I never saw,
Pretending I do not think,
Pretending I never heard.

If I stand behind this curtain,
And let you speak your mind,
Will you tell me the truth?

If I am quiet as a mouse
As you express your undying love,
Will you give me the needed proof?

Poison pill, adder-tongued,
You will never tell the truth.
But you have given me the proof.

Narcissus

Mar. 18th, 2017 09:54 am
silverhawk79: (Default)
Trying to get over
The feeling you never loved me.
You loved your reflection in me
Or what I could do for you.

Your charm beguiled me,
Made me believe I was
The only one for you.
But you were never going to be mine.

You made a vow to me,
But you had your fingers crossed.
Or maybe you never realized
How selfish you are.

Love is sacrifice
But a compromising one--
Both sides taking,
Both sides giving.

When the scales are
Out of balance too long
They tip, exposing
The lie beneath.

You never loved me.
You loved what I could do for you.

Enough

Mar. 12th, 2017 01:38 am
silverhawk79: (Default)
Always on the outside looking in--
The ugly one, the one no one wanted,
Trying to become the protagonist of my own story.

Thought I found love once--
Gave him a ring,
But I was never enough.

Thought I found it again--
Created life,
But even that wasn't enough.

Third time's the charm.
Who am I kidding?
I'm still not enough.

I am never enough.

The ones who crave me are like so many others before;
Take a piece of me and spit it out on the floor.
For them, even, I'm never enough.

Never enough to make me theirs.
Never enough for them to really care.
Never enough for them to remain with me.
Never enough to deal with me honestly.

Just a piece, but never enough.
Someone to use, but never enough.
Someone to abuse, but never enough.

Well, I've had enough.

I'm not pretty like the others.
I'm not sexy like the others.
I'm not extroverted like the others.

But peel back the layers, and you will see.
For the right one, I can and will be
More than enough.
silverhawk79: (Default)
Primal urge supplanting reason,
Where madness sinks its talons in.

Find myself splayed against the metal frame.
Cool night breeze on my neck--
Replaced by the warm nuzzle, then wild bites.
Knees buckle,
And you catch me as I make some feral sound.

Steal my breath away.
You always take my breath away.

Hands held above my head,
Tongue probing.
Fist gripping my hair, and hands stroking.
Run my nails over your skin,
You growl.

Steal my breath away.
You always take my breath away.

Too soon (too late?)
The night must end.
Obligation and reason return.
Talons release, my pulse slows
A kiss on the forehead to mark bedlam's passage.

Will you steal my breath away?
You always take my breath away.

Insecure

Dec. 26th, 2016 11:29 pm
silverhawk79: (Default)
Click once, twice, three times
Refresh the screen,
Check the connection
To see if we are connected.

And I know I have no right to know
No right to worry, no reasonable reason to ask
But I wonder all the same.
Are we still on the same page?

All those times we spoke
All those moments of immediate response
That spoiled me-- now gone.
Have I been pushed aside?

Did I ever mean anything at all?
Was I just someone fun
And now not so much anymore
Now that you know the real me?

Catalyst

Dec. 23rd, 2016 05:08 pm
silverhawk79: (Default)
You arrived without fanfare one day,
Offered a helping hand,
Showed me your inner light,
And I was not afraid.

Truth was spoken,
Honest words, maybe, for the
First. Time. Ever.
Their imprint a smarting welt upon my spirit.

Gentle and brutal, both,
You are a dichotomy,
But no moreso
Than I am myself.

You are the catalyst,
The one who showed me
Not to think outside the box,
But destroy it entirely.

The Marla to my Jack,
You sowed the seed of change,
And now I can't imagine
My life without you.

And yet, you stand aloof
Waiting for some magical moment
Something to change,
Some sign to appear.

But I'm right here.
In stillness, waiting, right here.

Burn

Dec. 12th, 2016 12:37 am
silverhawk79: (Default)

Excoriate, debride,
Set a fire in my flesh
Burn away at me until there is nothing left
But the ashes of what I was.


Resurrect from within
Spread wings of fire and light
Rise, climb, soar above smoke and salt
And no longer feel this emptiness inside.


New made, will I carry the scars
They gave me in a time of silence?
Will I still recall the terror and
Cherished innocence lost?


Rise up and spread wings
Of fire and light, truth and love,
And climb above the pain
Soar above the fear.


Primal terror, heedless rage
Burn it away.

Pity and pain, remorse and sorrow
Burn it away,

Until naught is left but
Truth and love
Fire and light
Freedom and peace.


Rise, climb, soar above
The past.

silverhawk79: (Default)

Just for a moment,
I glimpsed the you beneath.
The mask cracked, and I saw.
I was afraid for you.

In that moment, you let me in
And I saw the broken heart,
Not from loss of love,
But from some other trauma you hide.

I want to gather you in my arms,
Kiss you, and tell you that you are loved,
But how can I do that
Without telling you I know?

Morning

Nov. 25th, 2016 02:47 am
silverhawk79: (Default)
Morning, you come too soon,
With your shattering of pleasant dreams,
In a haze of ringing bells and clanging clocks,
Crying children and excited pets
Singing the songs of their people for a crust of bread.
Morning, go back to bed.
(11/25/14)

Reflection

Nov. 22nd, 2016 12:18 am
silverhawk79: (Default)
Mirror you, in the manner of my speech
In posture and poise, every aspect.
My breath goes short,
My skin flushes.

Feel the burning in my soul--
A hunger for you.
Is this feeling true, or
Is this just a reflection of you?

I feel the pulse, the heat of you
Through the barest touch
My heart pounds, my mouth goes dry--
My very being hums.

I feel your fire in me,
A longing for you.
Is this feeling true, or
Is this just a reflection of you?

You turn away, without a word.
Mirrored eyes shatter
Like shards of ice.
The fire goes cold.

Was this feeling ever true?
Was it just a reflection of me in you?

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