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Because at a time like this, what the hell else is there to do, really?

So tonight, I'm home alone with the kid and the cat. There were several mishaps today, beginning with me being up until 4:45 in the morning blogging because I couldn't sleep. So I got a broken like 4 hours of sleep, but it was worth it. I got out some things I've been thinking and feeling and processing for the last couple of weeks, stuff that is surfacing from years ago. And it helped to put the words into a writing, so that I could get them the hell out of my brain. (And maybe tomorrow, during therapy, I will be able to finally process it all with my highly awesome therapist, who puts up with my new age nonsense and talk of being an empath and such. But I digress.)

And then I went to work and almost fell asleep at my desk about 15 times. And I had good conversations with a few friends-- some of whom are in dark places themselves right now and need to know that it will get better.  As one of them said earlier today, the solution is to have a puppy pile. So maybe that will be a thing, too. I don't know yet.

I want my friends to know that I really do love them, all of them, so very much.  It's just how I am. If I call you a friend, you are part of the small circle of people whom I will probably always love. Even people who are "former friends" enjoy this privilege. It's probably why when people come back into my life after years and years, I tend to let them, with little gruffness... Maybe not the best practice, but there you are. That's me.

So now I'm sitting at the computer, listening to Simon & Garfunkel's original The Sound of Silence from 1964 (yes, I like the Disturbed version better for most purposes, but not when I'm trying to be positive, dammit). And I'm writing and drinking what's left of wine that I dedicated to Freyja ("sharing" it with Her, so to speak), and trying to remain positive about life. Because I'm so damned tired of being upset and sick and hurting.  Just for tonight, I'm going to try to be goofy, happy, smiling in my heart and soul and eyes as much as on my lips. I'm going to laugh from my spirit, and not worry about the bullshit that will still be waiting for me tonight when I go to sleep and tomorrow when I wake.  FFS, let tomorrow keep its troubles a bit longer, am I right?

And now it's onto Pentatonix's version of Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen. I really like this version, actually. Probably because I can sing most of it without much of a strain. Hey, perhaps that's an idea for tonight. I will see how many of these songs I can sing without breaking a sweat and/or waking my kid.  :)

Tonight is about being in my happy place. And fuck anyone who says otherwise.


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April 2017



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