silverhawk79: (Default)
Two years ago today, I posted the following in my blog (this is an excerpt from a much larger post, but it was the point of said post):

"However, in looking back on my blogs and journals from years past, one thing has become clear.  I have been stagnated for a long time, mostly by my current response to factors outside my control. This has kept me from becoming the person I want to be.  And I realized who that person was after having a fairly lucid-feeling dream a few months ago. I felt more alive than I had in years.  That person was loved, and happy.  And that's who I want to be."

Loved, and happy. That's still who I want to be. Gods help me, and may it come to pass soon.


Nov. 27th, 2016 11:28 pm
silverhawk79: (Default)
Shattered (c. 2009)

What will rise from the ashes this time?
Maybe this time the phoenix knows enough is enough
and it should stay down for the count.

Nothing left untouched, and time swiftly flows past.
Mirrors, once eyes, shatter.
No longer can I see myself reflected--
merely shadows and distortions left behind.

What is there left, in a fractured soul,
to comfort others blinded by light?
Words of healing leave my tongue
and turn to poison on my lips.

Unseeing, struggling forward,
armed with words meaningless
and thoughts merciless,
blinding myself to surrounding need.

Nothing left untouched, and time abruptly stops.
Shattered eyes, once mirrors, crash down
splinters of themselves--
nothing left to see here, move along.

Fractured soul, bleeding out light,
and finally shadow--
my words poison,
my touch ice.


Nov. 25th, 2016 02:47 am
silverhawk79: (Default)
Morning, you come too soon,
With your shattering of pleasant dreams,
In a haze of ringing bells and clanging clocks,
Crying children and excited pets
Singing the songs of their people for a crust of bread.
Morning, go back to bed.


Nov. 22nd, 2016 12:18 am
silverhawk79: (Default)
Mirror you, in the manner of my speech
In posture and poise, every aspect.
My breath goes short,
My skin flushes.

Feel the burning in my soul--
A hunger for you.
Is this feeling true, or
Is this just a reflection of you?

I feel the pulse, the heat of you
Through the barest touch
My heart pounds, my mouth goes dry--
My very being hums.

I feel your fire in me,
A longing for you.
Is this feeling true, or
Is this just a reflection of you?

You turn away, without a word.
Mirrored eyes shatter
Like shards of ice.
The fire goes cold.

Was this feeling ever true?
Was it just a reflection of me in you?


Nov. 19th, 2016 08:49 pm
silverhawk79: (Default)

A friend of mine introduced me to this artist. A number of her songs resonated with me. This one in particular has been stuck in my head for a couple of days now.

silverhawk79: (Default)
Back in the day, I was kind of obsessed with Les Miserables. I knew all the songs, I knew most of the dialogue, and I had read the unabridged book (some 1400 pages), by the time I was 14.

And this one is one of my favorites.... (well, this, and A Castle On A Cloud)....


Nov. 19th, 2016 01:33 am
silverhawk79: (Default)
What can I do to make you see?
You direct your love to all but me,
People who can't see the beauty beneath
Or who lie to you or treat you like yesterday's meat.

What can I do to make you believe
That you deserve to be happy, deserve to be free?
You are worthy of all love is cracked up to be,
But you're pining away for someone you don't need.

In the space between, you cannot steer
The love that you hold so very dear
To a place where you want it to be
Together at last, and both of you free.

Your hurts wound my heart, you see.
My heart aches to believe
That someday, you might find what you truly need.
Someday, you may find yourself freed.

I cannot tell you; I do not dare.
I can't explain that I love you or heal your despair.
So instead, we have conversations about insane things,
Inane things, whatever may come that this dawn brings.

I know you read between the lines.
I know you would tell me if you would rather I was silent.
But none of it makes the feelings subside.
I'll be damned if I'll sit idly by.

I can't watch you destroy yourself,
Watch you drown your soul and erode your mental health
All for someone who does not care
All for love that may not truly be there.

So I sit next to you and I dream
That one day, you will have what you need.
That one day soon, you will find yourself freed
From the chains and the pains that cause you to bleed.

One day, you will find yourself free.
silverhawk79: (Default)

Dearest friend, I love and honor you
For the light and shadow in your soul
For the broken heart that beats beneath the surface
Of a jesting facade.

I cherish you in your brokenness--
That place where you drown your sorrows
In another experience, another moment of distraction--
And I know that you can be healed.

If only you would cast off the shackles
Of heartache, of grief, of mourning
For love that cannot be,
And rise to the surface for air.

Know that you are not alone.


Nov. 18th, 2016 12:31 am
silverhawk79: (Default)

There was a time in my life
When all I knew
Was what you told me.

There was a time in my past
When I knew not
What a lie was.

There was a place
Where you made me
Take a vow of silence.

But no longer
Will you distort
My vision.

No longer
Will you make me
Believe your lies.

And no longer
Can you keep me
In silence.


Nov. 16th, 2016 01:55 pm
silverhawk79: (Default)
So, I'm here. Hit me up if you want.


silverhawk79: (Default)

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