silverhawk79: (Default)
[personal profile] silverhawk79
I feel like I've been forcing things lately.

I've been forcing myself to do things that are outside my comfort zone, but for the wrong reasons. I've been forcing myself to stay awake when I need rest, for the sake of comfort that never comes. I've been forcing myself to contact people who don't really want to hear from me, mostly out of fear.

It's time to be a hermit a little bit and retreat into my shell.

I have a great capacity for intellectual discussion-- something I love, something I actually kind of thrive on-- but I am exhausted, and that has muddled my every conversation lately. Most of my thoughts these days are laden with anxiety, or are themselves so dark that they frighten me. These are signs of mental exhaustion, at least for me. When I am rested, focused, and at peace with myself, I don't feel this way or think this way. But for too long, I have let outside things influence that inner peace. There may be legitimate reasons for that influence, but it still has caused unnecessary chaos in any event. That stops now.

If you don't see me around as much, know that it's because I need this space, and not because I'm shadow dumping you.

I love you all.

Date: 2017-06-05 02:20 pm (UTC)
mowglikat: (Default)
From: [personal profile] mowglikat
What makes yousay that people don't want to hear from you? I don't question your need for isolation, but i question that particular idea. Even if i have nothing to say, i want to hear from people i don't speak to. It makes the conversation awkward, because i don't have a lot to contribute, but the awkwardness has nothing to do with wanting to hear from the person, it's just my awkwardness.

Maybe it's theirs too?

Date: 2017-06-05 04:03 pm (UTC)
mowglikat: (Default)
From: [personal profile] mowglikat
Yeah....i mean, i try to respond when that happens by saying, "i don't know what to say, but i'm glad to hear from you" or something similar, but not everyone makes the same effort to be clear as i do.


silverhawk79: (Default)

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