silverhawk79: (Default)
[personal profile] silverhawk79
I talked to Jen today. We went over some of the disturbing things that happened to me last week, and then we talked about why it is that I feel like I have nothing going for me but my smarts. We also talked about why I get so upset when it feels like people are disregarding the fact that I have intelligence. Some of the conclusions I came to are rather revelatory.

I was always "the smart one." I was never the funny one, or the pretty one, or the charming one, or the talented one. Not according to my parents anyway. And not according to most of the people that I knew either. That became so ingrained in me, that even as an adult, even as of a couple of years ago, I would tell everyone "I got all the brains, my sister got all the looks, and my brother got all the charm."

Except that I am a lot more than just a smart person. It doesn't matter how high my IQ is. I'm spiritual person, a talented person in many ways, and I have an understanding and insight into human character that a lot of other people don't have. My skills are all over the map. But because of how I have pigeonholed myself, people who don't know me well don't see it. And, as Jen pointed out, people find me intimidating. I've been told that before by other people, and I don't really fully understand it, but apparently that's the case.

We did an exercise, and she asked me to name positive things about myself, things unrelated to my intelligence. I had a really hard time doing that. It took me a full 15 minutes to come up with the few things I listed above.

So, I'm asking for help. If you see me disparaging myself, or undervaluing myself as to things other than intelligence, yell at me. I need the reinforcement.

Thank you for listening.
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silverhawk79

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